Stuck

My progress is coming along... slowly but surely.  My pain meds aren't getting used nearly as often, only at night a little so I can sleep a bit more comfortably.  Even though that darn reclining couch we just bought is getting a work out and I actually HATE sleeping on it... I just can't get on my bed and lay down.  I've tried for the past 4 days to lay on my bed.  The first day I tried it... I told Chris to let me be in my room for a little bit on my own, I'll be right back.  I go in there, gently lay down on my back - - I'm fine.  Not comfortable, cant' breath very well, but fine.  I'm thinking - 'Small success'.  I roll to my side (because that's how I normally sleep) and I'm in terrible pain. The type of pain any lady that's had a baby would recognize, when you can't use your ab muscles for anything and there's that horrible 'pulling' sensation on the insides.... it was HORRIBLE.  I'm saddened, but figure, I'll just get up, no one will know how silly I was thinking I could sleep in my own bed.  I can't roll over.  I'm stuck.

I couldn't lay there and pout at all, even though that's what I really wanted to do, but I was in too much pain!!  I started to hollar "Chris.... Honey...." and he comes running.  Looked at me puzzled and just reached out his hand... I said, "Hun, I'm stuck."  He pulls me up out of the bed and then tells me, "It's ok, we'll just keep sleeping on the couch until you're able to go back to the bed."  Oh how miserable.

Later that night, we make our little camp-out-forts on the reclining couch, once again.  My back is starting to ache, my 'butt-bone' isn't happy again and I can't roll over.  Once again... I'm on the couch, and I'm stuck.  blah!

4 Days and a Pudding Cup

Has it EVER taken you 4 whole days to eat one little, chocolate pudding cup?  Yeah... well, I felt very accomplished today as I have finally finished my pudding cup.  The amount I can eat is just silly, but I'm not hungry.  And... even though I'm at the early stage still, I'm able to watch all my cooking shows without wanting, or craving what I see.  So there's another accomplishment that I see.
However, I did wake up today, at 4am, feeling very lightheaded and dizzy and nauseous and not have a clue why.  My stomach hurt, my incisions hurt, I couldn't walk straight - - something was wrong.  I called my bariatric doctor's office and they gave me some hints to what it was but said I should have it checked out by my family dr.  So I scheduled an appointment and got in right away.  The word?  LOW blood pressure because of lack of water.  Huh?  I had pretty high blood pressure for over a year now, that I'm taking medication for... how did I go from high to low so quickly?  Apparently the amount of water that I'm drinking is not quite enough.... not even by a little.... which is causing all those symptoms and lowering my blood pressure.  That's a new one for me.

I thought I'd been drinking/sipping enough water all day long, but according to my doctor, I need about 5 times more than I've been doing and I'll feel better.  I need to keep a water bottle near me all the time.  Ok, Doc, if you say so.  I got home and slowly but steadily finished a very large water bottle and (funny enough) I felt better.  So guess that was an easy fix to what I thought was a serious problem.

Then my adorable husband offered to "make me supper" and wouldn't you know it, he opened up another darn pudding cup.  Guess that's supper for 3 more days!!

I'm home.

Well, it's Saturday and I've been home since Thursday.  Was supposed to be home on wednesday but had some complications with medications so they wanted to watch me another day.

My surgery was last monday and everything went well, according to the doctor.  If you ask me- - my insides were shredded and I feel every bit of it.  The pain meds they've given me work for reducing the pain, but they also make me groggy and loopy as hell.  So if I thought I'd be functional, I thought wrong.

My time in the hospital consisted of little to no food - to help with the healing, as well as waking me up every 2 hours to poke or stick me.  Why couldn't those midnight-nurses be a LITTLE bit nicer?  I mean, you ARE waking me up, and I'm already in pain.... and you're just going to cause me more pain.... you could be nice about it.  Overall, though, my nurses were very nice and I truly appreciate the consistency, when I'd have the same nurse for more than 2 days... that helps.

I received a few nice visits and a few deliveries of gorgeous flowers, also had some at home waiting for me.  I'm blessed to have such wonderful, supportive people around me when I need it.

Since word has slowly gotten out before my surgery, I might as well let it be known that I have had gastric bypass surgery.  I am currently recovering at home and eating my share of broth and pudding - - and tired of it already.  lol.  My husband has been by my side, literally, since sunday night in case I needed anything, and he's been willing to do whatever I needed.  Bless his heart, for being so willing to help, and I haven't heard him complain once.  I love that man... and I see that he loves me.

Now... I just can't wait for this pain to go away so I can walk normal and be more functional.  I feel like a lump on my couch and I don't like it.  I did do something naughty, though.... I brought out my scale.  I've heard many people that go through this are told by their doctors not to weigh themselves until their first post-op dr appointment, but no one has told me that.  =)  I also didn't step on the scale... just for the record.  I just got it out, just in case I was curious.  So far, I am not.  I know I'm still bloated and swollen from surgery, there's no need for me to see a number that'll put a damper on what I'm doing.

So... there it is.  I had surgery - and I'm not sharing it with everyone.  Support me or not - this is my journey and the ones closest to me will understand why I came to the conclusion I have.

((Below is a picture of the procedure I had done.  There are a few different bariatric surgeries you can choose from, the Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass was my decision.  Just to share more info... enjoy.  lol))

Love you all!!!

Scared.

Ok... I'm scared.  I'm not scared like my husband is - he's worried about the actual surgery and possible complications that could happen.  Bless him, he loves me so much.  But I'm worried - I'm scared that I'll go through all this, follow all the rules, do my best and I don't lose any weight.

I have been in the mind frame lately of how I'm supposed to eat afterwards, I've done research on different menu ideas and even done a little shopping to prepare for when I come home.  But what if I go through all this.... and nothing happens?  Is that even possible?  Most of my worries in life are unrealistic, so I'm sure it's the same when it comes to my bypass.

So... the FEW people that know about my surgery have been asking if I'm scared or anxious because my surgery is in a couple days.... and I say no, I'm excited.  It's a lie, I'm just talking.  How do I say, "Nope, I'm scared as hell that I'll still be fat."

Yep.  I'm scared.

Little More Than a Week

With little more than a week to go before my surgery, I'm actually getting a little nervous.  I have no doubt this will be difficult, changing my eating habits and the habits of my family, but I'm just hoping I am strong enough to do it.  I'd hate to go through this process, which has taken over a year, and then to fail in the end.  I'd hate to get my hopes up and fail.  I'd hate to let my personal, private business out there for others to see and then fail!!  I have support of my closest family and I've done my research.  I am fully aware of the difficulties and obstacles that are about to become part of my daily routine.  I just hope that what I've done to prepare is enough!

Little more than a week before my surgery and I'm still being very closed lipped about it.  I'm embarrassed that my life has come to this and that surgery seems to be the way out.  Others can do it on their own... but some people just can't.  Not WON'T... but CAN'T.  With so many factors against me, my option right now that is almost guaranteed to work is surgery.  This is NOT the easy way out - so for those of you who think that - don't ever say that to me.  It's not an easy position to be in.  However it's necessary for me... at this point in my life.  I love my family, but it's time for me to take care of me.

Little more than a week!!!  I'm nervous, but super excited, too!! I hope my friends and family can be excited for me and supportive as well.