Ups and Downs

I need to remember this - - that there WILL be stalls and there will be ups and downs.  Recently my scale showed that I had gained 2 lbs!  Oh my Lord I was about to panic - then I got my period.  (Sorry, TMI for the men that read my blog.... but it's a part of weight loss we women must deal with.)  So I gave myself an extra few days to get my weigh-in in.  After all is said and done, my weight has not moved, no loss or gain, from the previous week.

This sucks and I'm semi-bummed but I KNOW this is part of the journey and that I'll lose inches, not pounds sometimes.... so I'm dealing.  I will NOT make my goal to weigh much less than my husband before my birthday (in two days) but I have still lost a good deal and I'm happy with that. 

On the plus side... I am starting to see and feel a difference in my body size/shape.  I'm gaining a bit of self-confidence... not much, but a tad.  I'm noticing that I can feel certain bones that I haven't in many years - my shoulder bones, hip bones (Oh, there you are!), my knees are boney, my tailbone hurts like a mother-F*ker after sitting at a football game... ouch!  Miss that cushion back there.  I've also noticed some deflation in my boobies.  Size wise they are very much the same, just seem a bit deflated, which is strange.  O well.... side effects, I suppose.  

Ups and downs - - once again - - but I'm glad you guys are all along for my journey, as well!

Much love!

It don't fit today...

I've had to buy a belt - for the first time in years.  I have a gap in my waistband of my jeans when I wear my belt.  There's room in the thighs of my jeans.  My shirts are roomy in the tummy area.  Sleeves seem to be longer.  The legs of pants seem to be longer - am I getting shorter, too?

I don't always look "put together" anymore - sometimes I look sloppy and frumpy.  In the past, if I looked like this, it'd be because of my depression and I didn't care how I looked.  Now it's because clothes are expensive and I can't afford to buy new ones (even 'used' new) every 2 weeks, so that they fit.  Luckily, I'm somewhat of a 'cute clothes hoarder' and have kept a few pieces throughout the years that I was in hopes of wearing again.  Eventually, though, those will run out their time and I'll be in the Goodwill again.  

Just sharing my frustrations today... I'm happy about it, though, it's a good problem to have.  None the less, it's a problem.  It's also a good reason why I may look like crap, if you see me out and about and my clothes don't fit.  It's because of my good problem.

That's me, today... 

Take care!

Atkins Beef Merlot

This is not a recipe, but more of a review.  I've had some nasty boxed, "healthy" meals while on this journey, but I thought today, I'd share a yummy one!! Atkins Beef Merlot.... Yummy!

It's got 310 calories, which is good for me to eat a meal with that number!!  16g of Protein, and only 3g of Sugar and 9g of Carbs.  All of these are good numbers for someone who's had weight loss surgery.  The best part?.... I was able to eat all of it!  It's basically just meat and broccoli in a gravy sauce, but it's delicious.  Right sized portion, right nutrition, right taste.  It's a winner!  "Amy Approved!"  hehehe.

Enjoy!

Almost Half!

So... when you have weight loss surgery, nine times out of ten, the doctor will ask you what your goal weight is.  Mine, in fact, has asked me at every dr's appointment, which is totally fine with me.  Anyhoo - My goal weight loss number was to lose 148 lbs.  It sounded like a huge number at the time, but now it seems totally doable - - because.... I am almost HALFWAY THERE!  I am down a total of 71 lbs as of my weigh in on tuesday and I have 77lbs left to go.  I'm extremely happy that I can actually see my goal as realistic now.  This is amazing to me!  

Another big step for me - which I didn't even realize until I did it - was I can now cross my legs!  In the past, I would sit down, try to cross my legs and they'd just slide apart due to my thighs being so large.  I love my thighs, but I'd also love to be able to cross my legs.  Well, I sat down yesterday, without even thinking I tried to cross my legs and they STAYED!  I can cross my legs!! 

Another update on my health - - my mental health - - I had a therapist appointment yesterday and was informed that at the caloric intake number that I'm at, my daily function abilities will start to diminish.  She said my judgement will start to be impaired and my energy level will continue to decrease.  She let me know that a person needs a certain amount of calories in order for their brain to function properly, so I DO need to up my daily calories.  I try so hard - it's difficult when you're not hungry, to eat high(er) calorie foods that are still healthy enough to not make me sick.  I am just not hungry.  I eat so very little - that I've been adding in spoonful of peanut butter here and there, as my nutritionist suggested, but I'm barely getting to 600 calories a day.  Some days I get stuck at 380-400.  I realize this is not good for me, my body and my mind, but I'm doing my damnest to fix it and eat more and healthy.  It's a struggle... that's for damn sure!  It's a struggle!  

Either way - - I'm HALFWAY to my goal and on the right track.  Obviously I knew there would be struggles, so I'm not surprised, but I'm relieved that this surgery is actually working.  It's working and I'm halfway to my goal!!  Go me!!

Much love, all!!

Pizza Guy

PB&J Cupcakes * Recipe

So... not everything I cook is healthy, because I don't eat everything I cook.  Like I've mentioned before, there are people in my family that need to gain weight - as well as people that can eat what they want and their body naturally burns it off.  Anyhoo - I've decided to add un-healthy recipes as well as healthy recipes.  Just because - - it's my page, I'll do what I please.  =)

Peanut Butter & Jelly Cupcakes

INGREDIENTS:

Vanilla cake mix (& ingredients to make it)

1/3 C sour cream

Favorite Grape Preserves

1/2 C Whipped cream
Tub of Vanilla Frosting

1 C Jiffy Peanut Butter (LOVE Jiffy!)

Bunch of mini table grapes, Black Corinth

DIRECTIONS:

1) Make cake according to directions but add in sour cream and fill sprayed cupcake liners 3/4 full.  Bake as directed on box for cupcakes.  When done, allow to cool fully.

2) I always flatten the tops a bit by cutting off the peaks, if there are any, that way they are easier to frost.  Then take a chunk out of the middles - core them.  I have a handy dandy cupcake corer my husband bought me... but you can also use a pairing knife.

3) Make jelly filling - - use 1/2 average size jar of grape flavored preserves, mix in whipped cream with hand mixer.  Once well blended, add in a good handful (or more if you prefer) of the mini grapes... carefully mix the 'goop' together, try not to flatten the grapes. 

4) Carefully spoon the grape mixture into the middles of the cupcakes until level with the tops.

5) Make the frosting - - Mix together your favorite vanilla frosting along with 1 C of peanut butter.  This will make it pretty darn thick - so I add in milk, a tablespoon at a time, until it's easily spreadable.

6) Frost all your cupcakes.

7) Sprinkled tops of cupcakes with a few extra mini grapes... and Woop Woop!! You have PB&J Cupcakes!!  They are YUMMY!!

I also made toffee cinnamon bun cupcakes.  Super easy, but I'll share my info... 

Make Vanilla cupcakes (with the sour cream) and mix in a good handful of Health Toffee bits into batter.  Fill cupcake liners, bake according to directions.  Make frosting - Pillsbury Cinnamon Bun frosting with 4 oz cream cheese & Tbsp of milk at a time, until smooth & spreadable.  Frost the cupcakes and sprinkle extra toffee bits on top.  These are so delicious.... but no worries, weight loss followers, I didn't and won't eat any of these cupcakes.  They are for friends, tonight.  

Hope you enjoy!!

Much love, 

Goal. Set.

Ever since I started working with Pure Romance, I have learned a lot about goals.  I have a great support system with the ladies at work and my up-line is so knowledgable about goal setting and achieving.  They encourage me to set awesome, realistic goals and then they help me figure out each step needed to succeed.  Now, I set goals for work... my hobbies... my family... my boys... and my health.  It's honestly a lot to keep track of - and I'm a paper and pen type of girl (I LOVE stationary!) so I have lists and goals written all over.  The purpose of this story is that I have set myself a short term - weight loss goal and I'm putting it out into the cyber-world so that I may be held accountable.... another important part of setting a goal.  Tell people so you're accountable! 

My goal - for short term - is to weigh less than my husband by my birthday.  I have 17 days to lose roughly 6 lbs.  I am almost positive I can do it, but it'll take the same amount of work that I've been putting into my weight loss so far.  As of my weigh in last tuesday, two days ago, I am officially down 68lbs from my surgery date, which is a huge success.  I still feel fat and chubby and the same as I have always felt, but other people notice my loss, and comment, which makes me feel better.  

I've noticed (on random thought) that I am capable of cooking sweets and un-healthy things for friends and potlucks and bbq's and not eat any of it.  I'm very proud of myself.  I'm glad I'm not the type of person that refuses to have those things in my house, or around me.  My thinking is that if I'm not around sweets, I won't know how to resist them when they actually do show up.  I can bake 24 cupcakes (12 PB&J cupcakes and 12 toffee cinnamon cupcakes, as I did this morning) and easily hand them over to friends, without eating them myself.  This way, I know I can handle temptation, on that level, and I'll make the right choice.  So - I suppose that's another goal of mine, to resist temptation.  Yay!  

Ok... so that's the update on how I'm doing... and my way of putting my goal into the cyber-universe in hopes that I'll stick to it and succeed.  Hope you all are succeeding in your adventures, as well!! 

Much love!

Butternut Squash Recipe * Recipe

So.... tonight I made a delicious side dish.  When I cook, what I usually do is research numerous recipes of things I am in the mood for... then I combine them and make them my own.  What I did today was buy a few bags of already cut up Butternut Squash.  (Have you ever tried to peel and cube butternut squash before?  It absolutely sucks... and I came across these bags, so I bought some!)  So here's what I made and it turned out great!!  

INGREDIENTS:

2 bags of butternut squash

1 5 oz bag of dried cranberries

1/4 C brown sugar

3 Tbsp olive oil (or veg oil... cheaper!)

Sprinkles of cinnamon

Sprinkles of pumpkin pie spice

Few fresh rosemary sprigs

Small container of Feta crumble cheese

DIRECTIONS:

Put cubed squash in a large bowl.  Cover with oil, brown sugar, cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice, cranberries and chopped up rosemary.... mix well, so that the squash is covered.  *  Spread out on a sprayed, tin foil cookie sheet.  *  Bake at 350' for roughly 40 min, until soft and browned.  *  Once out of the oven, sprinkle & mix in the feta cheese and serve warm.  Yummy!!

Hope you enjoy... if you try this!! 

Much Love, 

The Carb Fight

Growing up we'd have a pasta main dish with buttered bread on the side.  We'd have potatoes with bread on the side.  We weren't allowed to just eat the meat, or eat all the meat first.  I don't remember if I was ever given a reason, but I just remember all the starches and carbs.  They were delicious, well make... super yummy!... and also very addicting.  Few years ago my therapist (that I see for my bipolar disorder along with other issues) told me I had a true food addiction.  I laughed inside, thinking he was crazy and was making shit up.  Now that I have a very clear, precise list of things I can NOT eat - I am realizing how bad this addiction has a hold of me.  When you were basically taught to fill up on starches and carbs, grains, sugars.... you understand later why you are the way you are.  I've always thought - this is how I grew up, there's nothing wrong with it, so I'll continue that when I'm an adult.  When I was old enough to see my mom struggle with her weight and understand what she was going through - I was already full blown into my addiction and thought it wouldn't affect me the same way.  Genetics is a huge factor in our body make-up and it's a horrible thing to fight against.  But I'm fighting.

I miss pasta!  More than anything... I miss pasta.  I'd love to bite into a big, smushy, Jimmy Johns sandwich.  I'd really enjoy a giant stadium pretzel with a tub of cheese to dip it in.  As much as I am missing those things in my new food diary - I'm also learning I really like other things.  I found a new love for sugar snap peas with light ranch dressing, slices of raw green & red bell peppers, unsalted nuts.  I'm also fighting with my meats... my pouch doesn't tolerate certain forms of beef, or certain cooks of chicken.  It tolerates fish of any kind - but I rarely find the flavors I enjoy.  My days are very much filled with food - in one way or another.  Figuring out what to eat for lunch, doing the math on all the nutrients that I need/can't have, deciding how to cook supper for my family.  That, in itself, is a BIG hurdle because I have a family of 5 - 2 overweight, 2 average and 1 that is rail thin and needs to gain weight.  How can someone cook ONE meal that can satisfy all of those people??  Well, it can be done, and I do it - - it just takes a lot of planning and complicated grocery lists.

I'm starting to ramble... I mostly am blogging today because I miss carbs!  I know why I miss them and I know why I can't have them.  I also know what I should eat instead, and that's what I lean on.  I'm still fighting in this weight loss battle, after my weight loss surgery.  It's not easy.  It's not a cure-all that some people think it is.  "Oh, have weight loss surgery and you'll automatically lose tons of weight."  Boy is that wrong!  It's a struggle... and I'm struggling.  But I have support and positivity around me to help when I'm down or confused or want to cheat.  But... I miss carbs!!

(Someday, I'll write a whole blog about how much I miss carbonation.  LOL.)

Stay strong, peeps!

Tuesdays Weigh In

So... today is Tuesday and that means it's my weigh in day at home.  I only do it once a week, as I mentioned before.  I'm happy to announce that I am no longer in a stall (just like my dr said would happen) and I have officially lost a total of 64 lbs.  That's 5 lbs since last tuesday, which I am THRILLED about.  I'm at a good number, however none of my jeans fit.  I've purchased a belt that is definitely going to get some use, because I can't keep buying new jeans.  10 days ago I bought a cute pair of jeans that now slide off if I'm not careful.  I just can't keep up.  Guess that's a good problem.

Also - totally unrelated - I got new glasses!!  TWO pairs of new glasses.  I now have 7 pairs, I believe I'm a bit addicted to cute, funky, fun glasses.... so much so that I also bought 2 extra pairs for my middle son, Carter.  We even have matching ones....  (everyone say "awwe"...) lol.

Back to the topic at hand... I've also learned that I can sit criss-cross on my recliner!  This is what we call an NSV (non scale victory) I believe I've mentioned them before.  This truly made me happy... I did it without even thinking then was like, Oh, look - I'm doing it.  Too funny.

Another NSV I had was when I went to watch our HS football team game at the stadium.  I easily walked all the way from the van to the stadium AND then walked halfway up the stadium seating to my spot without running out of breath or taking a break.  This may not sound like much to most people, but I haven't been able to do this without being winded for many years.  It was nice!!

Overall - not a too eventful day so far as my weight loss journey is continuing.  Surgeons office called this am to let me know my lab work came back and I need more protein and vitamin D.  She suggested I find Vit D drops and to eat my protein first.... I try, but I'll try to do better.  So... that's that.  I've lost 5 lbs since last tuesdays weigh in and I'm super proud!!  Yay!!

Much Love,