Still don't see it....

(This picture is me with my oldest son, 14 y/o, taken mid October, 2015)

I haven't blogged much lately, mostly because I've been so consumed with my work (I sell Pure Romance) and juggling family holidays and my boys.  Oh... my boys have been really getting a lot of my time and attention lately... for good and not-so-good reasons.  Regardless - I continued to weigh myself on a regular basis... every tuesday, however I'm changing my day to mondays.

Just recently, we had some family pictures taken and I still can't see a difference in my body.  I know that may come across vain, maybe, or low on the self-esteem scale...but I don't care how it seems.  I WISH I could see a change in my body.  As of today I've lost 91 pounds.  

9 1 Pounds!!

I can't believe that number.  I weigh a good amount less than my husband, which was one of my goals.  However, I don't feel smaller than him.  I don't feel as though I look any different.  How long will I feel like the fat girl?  Will I be super skinny someday down the road and still feel like the fat girl?  I understand that's a state of mind and it's been IN my mind for so many years, it'll take time to change that way of thinking.  But how much time??  What do I have to do to move toward that positive thinking?  I don't know, I just hope I get there soon.

On a good note, my doctors are working together to make med changes with my bipolar/depression/anxiety and I've actually been feeling a stitch better.  I am hopeful for things, I look forward to things... I still have severe bouts of sadness, darkness and heaviness but not nearly as often.  So I'm happy to say that my med changes are working.

Long post made shorter - I'm down 91 lbs, I still feel the same physically but I'm a bit better mentally.

I love all my friends and family... 

thank you for your support and kindness!!

**CORRECTION**
I DO see a difference in pictures, so I may need to take more photos so I can see what everyone else sees.  Until I believe it, I'll just look at this....