I woke up this morning, really struggling with my illness. I've mentioned before that I am Bipolar II with severe anxiety. Usually it's either contained and maintained, under control... but there are bouts where it peaks it's ugly head and runs through my life like a tornado and I'm left dealing with the aftermath. Well, today, I am on high alert. My insides are jittery, I can't control my emotions, I've cried so much my eyes are about puffed shut. I can't explain to my son why I'm so sad... because I don't know. I know that I don't know - so that's the best I can do. It comes and goes - luckily doesn't come as often as it used to.... but it sucks just as bad as it did before. I go to pick up my klonopin and the pharmacist says it'll be 40 min. Ugh! So I wander, lost, aimlessly, around the grocery store.... severely overwhelmed by all the options and mental-recipes and prices. I'm overwhelmed by the amount of people there during the day. For once I was not the least bit annoyed by the super-turtle-slow grandparents shopping - as I was about the same speed. I was doing my best to hide my tears, they've been flowing all day. Luckily my nose turns red when I cry - so I just look like I have a cold. If anyone was to ask - "I have a cold, thanks for asking". Hm. So... I was alone in the grocery store.. ugh... to dwell in my anxiety and depression while waiting for my pills.
Also - I received a bill in the mail... a large bill. I look into it (I have enough bills - so for one that SHOULD be covered, I'm going to deal with that shit!) and I call the health insurance people. The lady was super nice, but I was super upset. Not with her - I've worked customer service, I know you can't blame her so I do my best not to unleash it on her. After discussing things with her - I've come to realize that although my insurance company DOES/DID cover my bariatric surgery, it does NOT cover ANY bariatric-related services before or after the surgery. How is that responsible?? I had complications (many) from the surgery that needed to be fixed... not covered. I have necessary follow up appointments with my surgeon - not covered. I have nutritionist appointments - required but not covered. What kind of bullshit is this? You allow (by covering) someone to have major, life-changing surgery but then lead them out to pasture and say "Fend for yourself now... that's all we'll do." That's a bunch of bull. They ditched me - they left me alone!
So... Way around it? My family dr is fully aware of my surgery and has had many post-bariatric patients in the past. I trust him, I like him and he makes time to make sure I understand things. I will schedule updates with him based on my side-effect FROM the surgery, but not necessarily bariatric related. Hopefully they'll be coded as such and covered as just regular follow up with my family dr. Cuz that's covered. Then I can still see my therapist and my psych dr - cuz that's covered. And I'll flick-off the insurance company behind the scenes... because that's free!
Overall - - not a good day. Not a good day at all, but I'm updating my blog, because it's my semi-public, online journal and my therapist says I need to journal. I've just realized I've combined my weight loss surgery blog, with my recipe blog and my mental illness blog. Why not? It's mine... I do what I want.
Still have much love for y'all that are interested in my journey....
such is life! Oh, how different it is for everyone!!
Much love!
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