The Carb Fight

Growing up we'd have a pasta main dish with buttered bread on the side.  We'd have potatoes with bread on the side.  We weren't allowed to just eat the meat, or eat all the meat first.  I don't remember if I was ever given a reason, but I just remember all the starches and carbs.  They were delicious, well make... super yummy!... and also very addicting.  Few years ago my therapist (that I see for my bipolar disorder along with other issues) told me I had a true food addiction.  I laughed inside, thinking he was crazy and was making shit up.  Now that I have a very clear, precise list of things I can NOT eat - I am realizing how bad this addiction has a hold of me.  When you were basically taught to fill up on starches and carbs, grains, sugars.... you understand later why you are the way you are.  I've always thought - this is how I grew up, there's nothing wrong with it, so I'll continue that when I'm an adult.  When I was old enough to see my mom struggle with her weight and understand what she was going through - I was already full blown into my addiction and thought it wouldn't affect me the same way.  Genetics is a huge factor in our body make-up and it's a horrible thing to fight against.  But I'm fighting.

I miss pasta!  More than anything... I miss pasta.  I'd love to bite into a big, smushy, Jimmy Johns sandwich.  I'd really enjoy a giant stadium pretzel with a tub of cheese to dip it in.  As much as I am missing those things in my new food diary - I'm also learning I really like other things.  I found a new love for sugar snap peas with light ranch dressing, slices of raw green & red bell peppers, unsalted nuts.  I'm also fighting with my meats... my pouch doesn't tolerate certain forms of beef, or certain cooks of chicken.  It tolerates fish of any kind - but I rarely find the flavors I enjoy.  My days are very much filled with food - in one way or another.  Figuring out what to eat for lunch, doing the math on all the nutrients that I need/can't have, deciding how to cook supper for my family.  That, in itself, is a BIG hurdle because I have a family of 5 - 2 overweight, 2 average and 1 that is rail thin and needs to gain weight.  How can someone cook ONE meal that can satisfy all of those people??  Well, it can be done, and I do it - - it just takes a lot of planning and complicated grocery lists.

I'm starting to ramble... I mostly am blogging today because I miss carbs!  I know why I miss them and I know why I can't have them.  I also know what I should eat instead, and that's what I lean on.  I'm still fighting in this weight loss battle, after my weight loss surgery.  It's not easy.  It's not a cure-all that some people think it is.  "Oh, have weight loss surgery and you'll automatically lose tons of weight."  Boy is that wrong!  It's a struggle... and I'm struggling.  But I have support and positivity around me to help when I'm down or confused or want to cheat.  But... I miss carbs!!

(Someday, I'll write a whole blog about how much I miss carbonation.  LOL.)

Stay strong, peeps!